The First Cut is the Deepest

Artist: Sheryl Crow

So I've given up trying to be optimistic/cheerful because my life just sucks.

My Mom LITERALLY won't talk to me. People don't appreicate this but I mean LITERALLY! I usuallydon't even get a good morning. She is not going to let me live with her after graduation and I have to find a job that pays enough for rent.

I can't even get my Gram to let me stay with her for 2 days or even a night and she lives 1 mile away and lives in a 4 bedroom house by herself.

I may as well have no father at all because I never talk with him, don't have his number and he has never helped me in any way whatsoever.

I can't even turn to my sister because she's just not that type of person. I try but she screams to my Mom that I'm bothering her.

I don't really have friends to turn to, my 2 former BFs aren't talking to me so I can't even talk with them about it or go out to escape. My other BF lives in NYC and we just don't talk that often. Penelope never answers her phone. I love the people at work and surely complain enough but there is only so much they can do. And H is great but she's family too so I don't want to make things weird for her plus she has 2 babies and doesn't need my drama nor does she have time to hang out much.

Mr. H is always supportive but I can only harass him so much and I rarely get to see him.

I ofcourse have no bf or much potential and my life in bubble with no men leaves me with 0 experience or comfortablity which makes it all but impossible to meet someone. No one really understands that just like my mother does NOT talk to me. I know NOTHING about guys. I don't know how to be in a relationship bc I've never even witnesses one to learn from. My wholefamily is basically single women who don't date.

In sum - I'm lonely hell and it isn't looking optimistic.

Thank You

Artist: Christina Aguleria

Because I've been such a bad blogger I didn't even notice MRM gave me an award! I'm sooo flattered and surprised! Thank you!

"These blog are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight more bloggers who must choose eight more bloggers and include this cleverly written text in the body of their award."

I'll be honest and say I'm not exactly sure how this works and whether these people have the award already but I'll pass it on to:

1. Princess Freckles

2. Newbie New Yorker

3. Sweet, Sassy & Always Classy

4. A little bit of this and A little bit of that...

5. Jane

6. Megan

Ordinary Day

Artist: Vanessa Carlton

I've been an awful blogger of late. Things have just been too busy. Soo many things where to start.

First - Lent. I'm an awful Catholic but a proud Catholic. I wish I went to church more often but I don't however I have started reading the bible - which I suppose doesn't make me any better of a Catholic lol - and am trying to give up gossiping. The latter is VERY hard. I know I'm a gossip but it's hard to determine what's talking about my life and what is gossiping so that won't be easy (especially at my job) but I'll do my best.

Second - President Obama's unofficial state of the union. I thought it was great. It really spoke to all the issues I really care about namely EDUCATION! It's so nice to hear about education as a priority since it hasn't been in such a long time. His call to action of course reminded me of JFK's and really makes me want to do CityYear whatever the cost. That's my big thing right now - what to do with my life. I just don't know.

Third - Shopping. I went on a spree today. I mostly bought things for Baby C & soon to be Baby P. I bought cutest stuff for Easter from Target and these really cute little sport eggs so I'll have a egg hunt for C. I would totally have gotten way more for Baby P but I'm broke. I want to get her a cute little dress but they are semi-expensive since I have no money. We'll see.

I also went shopping for me which I shouldn't have but I did. I got a cute Taylor Swift dress and a really cute pink purse that has a LOVE label on it. Since I love pink and alway dot my i's with hearts and the "O" is a heart I thought it was appropriate.

Fourth - Exercise. I started my class Tuesday and it kicked my ass but in a good way. I'm sooo out of shape which is horrible since I did so well this summer. I also rented Jillian Michaels work out tape which also kicked my ass. I've done alot of workout vids but hers is the hardest by a long shot! I'm going to really give it a go in March to try and lose some weight but we'll see what happens.

Finally - I learned I'm the Honors Scholar in both the History & Political Science departments and that was a surprise and really nice to learn. However I have no idea what it entails and am curious but I don't know how to tactfully ask that question to a professor - again we'll see.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

Artist: Celine Dion

Newbie New Yorker is giving away the cutest tote! Sign up for the give away and I'd recommend following her too because she always has great posts.

http://newbieny.blogspot.com/2009/02/ive-hit-200-posts-wow-time-really-flies.html

Now I would like this post to be cheerful but unfortunately it isn't going to be. I started this blog to restart my life and be the person I want to be but I'm constantly reminded that saying something doesn't make it so.

The fact is what I'd love to do is do CityYear Detroit for a year, take a class or two, apply to gradschool and Teach for America and Eastern so I have options and then be a high school Social Studies teacher which was my plan in life since I was like 8 or 9.

The reality however is very different. I can't live with my Mom; therefore I can't do any of the above. And its not that I just can't stand living with her - which honestly I can't because she hates me and I hate that and its really hard to live with someone who tells you they don't want to breath the same air as you. This is particularly true when I spent the day before watching Gossip Girl with her and thinking we were in a good place.

We're not. We've never been and probably never will be. Plus you know she says I can't live with her so that also answers that question. Now I'm just crossing my fingers that I can find some job that pays me enough to move out and make enough money to make me happy and at least partially satisfied with life.

Ain't It Funny

Artist: JLo and JaRule

So my day was great. I mean perfect in fact. Which considering I have been feeling very down and stressed lately is quite a wonderful change.

I got an A- on Physics. MR. H's email! I learned that CitiYear may be an affordable option and my Mom talked with me today so it means it may even be practical. I thought my internship wasn't going to be good today and even though I wasn't able to do the work I wanted to I talked with one of the girls there and she said she'd call me if they go out this weekend. Then I went to Happy Hour with my some of my other favorite people - Princess Freckles, J and Ms. Ross!

I met J's hubby who is very nice. And they invited their friend - M. Since it was a group and I was rather nervous we didn't talk one on one too much but one thing that really stood out that I really like is that he likes Detroit, which I love! Anyway, we're going to go on a double date with J but I'm not interested in jinxing anything so I'll leave it at that.

Meeting a new guy is awesome but I really loved hanging out with the girls! My gf track record is as bad as my bf and it was soooooooo nice to hang out with PF and J .... and Ms. R ;)

It's funny because I somehow feel like high school and I got to hang out at the cool table with the popular kids. And particularly happy because it can be weird with co-workers and determining if you're work friends or friend friends and after tonight I feel like we're the latter.

So today was an unusually good day, the best I've had in ages!

Count on Me

Artist: Whitney Houston

It looks like I'm making up for lost time in the blogworld.

I got an email response from my favorite person in the world today - Mr. H. He was my high school teacher and retired the year I had him but I've been going to him with every crisis in my life since then and he is the best person I know.

It doesn't matter what the problem is school, boys, family, whatever I always email him and he always cheers me up. And when he's in MI he usually comes to see me at work which leaves me grinning for days.

I'm NOT in love with him but I love him more than anyone else in the world. With a mother that hates me, no dad and no other family members to rely on he has been my saving grace more times than I can count. He's the father/grandfather I wish that I had. I always feel terribly guilty bothering him - especially since he's retired but he never seems to mind.

Anyways lets hope my day continues in this direction.

God Bless America

Artist:

Well I've been so busy with school I haven't blogged in quite some time. Thankfully Physics went well and I pulled out an A- on the exam.

And today's Happy Hour day and I'm very excited! I can't wait to hang out with Princess Freckles, J and Ms. Ross, plus I'll meet J's husband and mystery guy too!

Tuesday Congressman McCotter (R-MI) came to campus (and it was a stressful fiasco that involved me hijacking a professor's class so he could speak to it but all in all I survived) and I was pleasantly surprised.

I'm a proud Democrat. I'm a moderate ideologically but I'm a strong party faithful, so I've never voted for McCotter and never really knew much about him. Personally, he's not a very friendly guy. Every politician I have met - Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Governor Granholm, Senators Levin and Stabenow and Congressman Dingell - are incredibly friendly and interested in people. Hillary and Dingell win by a long shot because no matter the crowd they will want to ask you questions.

That is B with Hill since her picture came out better and I don't have my professional photo on a computer.

I LOVE Hillary so I just have to recount my two encounters with her because she gets a harsh reputation which she doesn't deserve. The first time I was in high school, couldn't vote and went with my sister to an event with ALOT of important politicians. And there were 100s of people who wanted to talk with Hillary and she talked (by that I mean I shrieked incoherently and my sister translated) with us for a few minutes and took a picture with both of us even though her people were trying to push her through the line.

The second time I was volunteering a VIP event and was able to get a professional photo taken with her and I was the last person before she had to get on a plane so again there was a hurry. Nevertheless, she was very friendly and we took the picture when I was walking away she noticed I had my nametag on so she told me to come back and we'd take another picture! I LOVE Secretary Clinton!

On with McCotter.... the arrangement ended up being a townhall and he was gracious in answering questions but he never asked anyone's name or what they were studying even when we had a brief meet and greet with the Political Science Club (my org) and the College Republicans (who I work with). I don't hold that against him though, I just thought it was interesting.

Politically I mostly disagree with him but not entirely and I can pretty much respect his views. He's a Cold Warrior for sure - it was funny because he was talking about Fascist and Communist threats. I strongly disagree with his position on education because that is my important issue and he is not interested at all.

I did agree or at least strongly respect his position on the economy. He's oppose to the stimulus and I'm not but he wasn't bitter about it. He was nice to Obama and said that he'd wait to make judgements until later but he laid it into W - which surprised me. He does not believe in the free market and said business will look out for its self and become anarchy if the government doesn't regulate it which I strongly agree with. He's a good republican he doesn't believe in big government he believes in necessary government which I respect and agree with although we have a different interpretation of necessary. Again I was surprised that he said nice things about Governor Granholm who is not very popular around here.

Finally, what I agreed with/respected the most was his love for Michigan and Detroit in particular. He knows that a strong Detroit is essential for a strong Michigan. So I can't say I'd ever vote for him but I do respect him and don't mind that he's my Congressional representative.