Monday, April 13, 2009
Today was sad. Miss. P quit and she didn't say good-bye. That hard. Really hard actually. P's been a rock for me for a long time. She's feeds me, listens to me, gives me hugs - all things my mother usually doesn't. She's supportive and has filled my wardrobe with the cutest outfits. It hurts and its sad but - as long as she's okay - I'm sure its for the best. Not that P's being there would have kept me there but it would have made it a nicer place to work. Now...not so much. I LOVE a dozen of the people there but P is P and there is no replacement.
Then ofcourse there is D - Slackerboy is awfully harsh and I only went with it bc LonelyBoy on GG. I don't know what's going to happen there. Maybe it's over, maybe we'll have some fun, maybe we'll date. I don't know. I'm not worried about it though. To my GREAT surprise D showed me that not all guys are complete jerks. And he is an AMAZING kisser. Those two things will always stay with me and have changed me for the better.
J was shocked at how much calmer and less tense I am - it made her feel calmer and less tense.
I guess today is an official ending to my life as I knew it - or at least hopefully - New problems await but I definitely feel more prepared to deal with them so....
New Me, New Blog: Fearless
Less drama - more fun, fashion and God willing boys!
Friday, April 10, 2009
It's an Easter Miracle and the Apocalpse must be nearing because the impossible has happened! I kissed SlackerBoy and it was NO peck on the lips. IT WAS REALLY NICE!
When I gavbe SB my number I NEVER thought he'd use it. EVER! But he did. He called and asked if I wanted to go to the bar - Thank you The Hot One - and I said yes (of course!). He asked me where and I said he was the expert and he had to choose. He was going on a run and said he'd call me after.
For me a guy saying he'd call back typically means i'll never hear from him but I still called the posse in disbelief. Then he called back! after his run and asked if I decided where. I said I don't know. He said he was going to shower and we could both think about it. CEO suggested Ashley's and when he called when he got home I recommended it and he said okay and he'd call when he was leaving - which he did. I again was AMAZED that he actually called. Very unusal for me but I AIMed with SoLMioke and he said guys usually do called - I realize using my "father" and SoldierMan for yard sticks probably not accurate, a definite good thing. I also AIMed with The Hot One for advice - always the sweet one.
SB let me know he was leaving so I left and he called me even before I got here. Again the phone calls amaze me. Anyway, he was wearing his glasses and OMG!!!!!!! He looked hotter than usual which is NOT an easy task. We got a table - he wasn't feeling well from eating bad fish and then running so I ordered an apitizer just cause I didn't want to piss off the waitress.
Ashley's has 100 beers so SB chose one and thankfully they had a couple martini choices and I got a Pomegratite one that was delicious! I also tried his beer and he asked me to pick out one for him which I did. It was the first time I had beer so another first, I liked it more than I thought but I prefer the fancy drinks. Drinking his was a way for me to be flirty - per the Hot One's suggestion. I was surprised too when he drank my water later although he may have been drunk - it's hard to tell bc again one emotion.
I had been really nervous about conversation bc we've known each other 5 1/2 years and see each other a couple to most days a week. But it wasn't an issue. Conversation was easy.
I also got drunk for me "foggy" for most people. But definitely hazer than I ever had before. Definitely loose enough to not chicken out.
So the end of the night and I just knew I had to do it no matter what - no regrets. I told SB to stop and I grabbed him and kissed him. And he kissed me back. And it was REALLY good. Not what I thought it'd be like but REALLY good. Then an asshole knocked on the window and ruined the mood. We went to my car and talked for a couple more minutes. I wanted to kiss him again but I didn't want to push my luck so I wasn't going to try but he did. Awesomeness.
So what now? IDK and IDC. Big picture is I met my goal. And a VERY specific one. My first kiss was with SB and I like him and he's hot and I'm comfortable with him - it wasn't a random or familiar loser. i can now safely date whoever and I'm not a total loser.
Also very unexpectedly SB improved my perception of men.
Anyway, I'd LOVE to kiss him some more but I'm realistic - he may have just been drunk or drunk enough - again idk. I haven't thought about seeing him again Wed - The Hot One says dont do any preemptive contact. I'm honestly 100% okay with whatever. He's hot so it'll kinda suck but i could always take J's suggestion and pull him behind periodicals lol.
I'm not worried. I'm going to take the ever unusual for me position of wait and see. I'm content and perfectly happy with this being one great night for the records, should something more happen cool if not I'm good with that too.
My blog can finally take on a happy demeanor as I can stand but my mother and underemployedness after this!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I listened to the Hot One - he said ask Slakerboy on a date or get hammered - I couldn't do the date thing bc I had a strong feling that he'd say no and while I could deal with it but I just think it can't be easy to say no to someone so...
I wasn't actually going to do anything but i saw him and we both were complaining about being tired and I said I wish i had an energy drink and he said he was going to get one before work but didn't. I said if he gets one pick me up one.
I NEVER expected him to get me one. And it was like 3 hours later and he comes upstairs and brings me an AMP. He had told HorseGirl to bring it to me but she forgot so he brought it to me. Not only did he get it and bring it to me he bought my favorite brand which I talk about all the time but its not mainstream. He drinks RockStar and most drink Monster. None of this means anything on his part I'm sure but it made him really hot.
Anyway, i decided to take Matt's advice and went with the drinking and said you want to go to a bar, he said when tonight?, i said sure, he said can't tonight, so I said a different night, and he said yeah, i said great let me know when that is.
Then I went who gave me lots of bad advice that would have really entertained her like go and make out with him on the desk. She also suggested giving him my number which I thought was really bad idea but after a couple failed but unnoticed attempts I brought him my number and said call me when you want to go out to the bar, bowling or whatever. He said okay, not on the weekdays but on the weekends and that totally shocked me. Before we left work he asked what bars I've been to - answer none. I again was shocked that he mentioned it.
Oppose to the no window of possibility there appears to be an actual window that may open! WTH! Who knew!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
As traditionally happens a night of sleep leads to re-evaluation of life.
Verdict: I'm gonna be alone forever and I have to accept that. The reality is most people date during college and find it near impossible post-college. I'm 3 weeks from post college and it ain't gonna happen.
Partially my fault for not fighting to go somewhere else to school were the student population wasn't made up mostly of old men, married men, orthodox men and unredeemable losers but again my mother refused to let me go somewhere else so what was I suppose to do? I went on a date with a loser who asked me out so I wasn't turning down opportunities and I asked out about a half-dozen guys and nothing ever worked out.
And I don't put myself out there enough but I honestly don't know how. I mean people scare me. I've done my very best to rebel against my mother but the fact is she taught me and B to trust no one and go by no one and you can't afford to do anything so don't even try. Our entire life was spent in front of a television with limited contact to the outside world and no real life examples of how families or couples behave. It's only been since my Aunt Sharon died 2 years ago that I'm even allowed to talk with family members without getting in to trouble but I still get in trouble about it just not as much.
Big picture is I'm completely screwed and screwed up. Any hypothetical date I would get out on I don't know how to behave. I'm so tense and uncertain I'm sure I undoubtedly come off cold and uninterested. And ofcourse the big issue of a kiss. I mean people DO NOT understand the absolute CLUELESSNESS I suffer. I've never seen people kiss in real life, sure on the street probably but PDA isn't huge and more importantly its certainly not a learning tool. I don't even know the first steps or how many steps there are. Nothing!
Although since this all likely irrelevant I'm just gonna attempt to let it go. Move on and look at the more positive sides of my life like underemployment, fights with my mother, unsolicited advice from strangers and no prospects.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Here's a picture of me and my Mom, Great-Aunt Margaret, and Aunt Mikki at honors night. Althogh I'd get no bling if I walked or Summa Cum Laude I did get 2 plaques and was chosen Honor Scholar in both the History and Political Science departments so that was pretty nice. I'm the only person the Associate Dean has ever seen get 2 awards and its nice for the ego when you walk up and everyone gets one award and I got 2
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Well Princess Freckles pointed out I haven't blogged in awhile and since something semi-interesting happened I figured I'd post.
In the ultimate good news bad news scenario. Orthodox Muslim boy likes me too much!
Although I cannot completely explain or give understandable justice to the practice I'll sum it up briefly nontheless. Shias can have temporary marriages which means I could touch him and we could make out. In the non-Muslim world we call this dating. There is no dating in orthodox Islam and so Shias have what Sunnis consider a "cheat" and a lot of Muslims don't approve of it. It's not at all but Muslims would view these temporary marriages like Americans view hooking. As an American however I see it as dating. Orthodox boy sees it like other Muslims therefore he feels like he's doing me a favor.
More importantly, he doesn't want to put himself in the situation because he likes me and casual temporary relationship is all we could ever have and well I'm all for it he's not. With all or nothing on the table I get nothing - we're friends that's good but man I want to make out with him!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Amazingly although many people feel that I am very political I don't write about politics very much here but I absolutely must post a comment I intended to make in response to an article I read but that the computer wouldn't let me.
The ravage hatred of Obama is driving me absolutely crazy. First of all he's barely been president and yet everyone thinks there should be all of these drasitic changes or even worse no change at all.
WTF? George Bush spent more money on a war than Obama plans to spend DOMESTICALLY to fix the economy that W ignored for 8 years and Obama?! is the wasteful spender!? What is wrong with this country?
We would prefer to see a nation of unemployed, homeless people(becuase of foreclosures which don't simply effect stupid irresponsible people, particularly when there are no jobs for even the brightest hard working people), with no money (because the banks have failed), and no national defense (because the autos have failed and we have no manufaturing base the big companies and their smaller suppliers) and China or whoever buys up all our abandoned, repocessed and bankrupted property and business.
Yep those all sound like great alternatives.
I don't approve of huge deficit spending but NEWSFLASH we have limited alternatives! The Stimulus may not work and may cause more problems yes but NO ONE knows that yet. What we do know is that if NOTHING gets done than we will DEFINITELY have more problem!
"Bush screwed up this country for 8 years while the only thing people could do was say he's a moron - no he took action, what he thought was right based off his beliefs and ideology.
Guess what Reagan, Kennedy and Roosevelt all did the same thing.
So did Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, Wilson, Johnson, Eisenhower, Truman, Grant, Harding, Coolidge and all the rest.
Some were right and some were wrong. Obama is doing what is necessary - action and while he can because in a few weeks Congress won't make a substaintial move for another a year and a half at the earliest.
If you'd prefer watching the entire economic and defense system of the United States collapse than continue to applaud the inactivity of Republicans who offer no better alternative than to say Obama is wrong.
But I'll remind you that Hoover got voted out of office for taking no action and then taking some steps in the last months of his presidency (sound familiar?) and then FDR can with sweeping and controversial reform that is today accepted as common sense and fundamental rights as US citizens.
Obama may not be the next FDR but we won't know that until we at least wait a year its been 40-some DAYS PEOPLE!
FINALLY IF YOU WANT CHANGE RUN FOR OFFICE!"
Here's a picture of the cutest girl in the world! Isn't she so ADORABLE! She's my cousin's baby and is one week old. I was so happy to be asked to babysit for Baby C when she was in labor but never got to see the latest addition, Baby P. After these pictures I'm going to have to make a special visit before work and cross my fingers that my car holds up the journey!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Well not coming so much as leaving. I just can't take it anymore. I love my Mom I really do but we don't get along and I think distantance will do us good - and I'm not moving far. She tells me to move out everyday, she doesn't talk to me at all and says maybe she'd talk to me more if she didn't see me all the time, and she tells me I'm grown and shouldn't be staying with her. So really I'm just listening to her.
I'm lucky because my BFF (& I mean that literally because we fight sometime like the past couple months but I called and it was like nothing happened) needs to get place so we're going apartment hunting this weekend. Since she's going to be staying there and I'm more or less just staying with her she's not having me pay that much rent so its not unreasonable or irresponsible. And most importantly its necessary.
It's my Mom's B-day today and I was really glad that she liked her gift, especially since I've been avoiding her and home for the past couple days after a fight. Anyway, I hope she won't be mad but I know she will be. I'm hoping that after a little bit she's see that its a good thing but I'm not hopeful and really scared. I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her mad but for both our sanity its essential.
Cross your fingers because I'm going to need all the positive thoughts I can get!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Pretty, TOUGH Ladies - ditsy damsels don't cut it anymore
Friday, February 27, 2009
So I've given up trying to be optimistic/cheerful because my life just sucks.
My Mom LITERALLY won't talk to me. People don't appreicate this but I mean LITERALLY! I usuallydon't even get a good morning. She is not going to let me live with her after graduation and I have to find a job that pays enough for rent.
I can't even get my Gram to let me stay with her for 2 days or even a night and she lives 1 mile away and lives in a 4 bedroom house by herself.
I may as well have no father at all because I never talk with him, don't have his number and he has never helped me in any way whatsoever.
I can't even turn to my sister because she's just not that type of person. I try but she screams to my Mom that I'm bothering her.
I don't really have friends to turn to, my 2 former BFs aren't talking to me so I can't even talk with them about it or go out to escape. My other BF lives in NYC and we just don't talk that often. Penelope never answers her phone. I love the people at work and surely complain enough but there is only so much they can do. And H is great but she's family too so I don't want to make things weird for her plus she has 2 babies and doesn't need my drama nor does she have time to hang out much.
Mr. H is always supportive but I can only harass him so much and I rarely get to see him.
I ofcourse have no bf or much potential and my life in bubble with no men leaves me with 0 experience or comfortablity which makes it all but impossible to meet someone. No one really understands that just like my mother does NOT talk to me. I know NOTHING about guys. I don't know how to be in a relationship bc I've never even witnesses one to learn from. My wholefamily is basically single women who don't date.
In sum - I'm lonely hell and it isn't looking optimistic.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
"These blog are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight more bloggers who must choose eight more bloggers and include this cleverly written text in the body of their award."
I'll be honest and say I'm not exactly sure how this works and whether these people have the award already but I'll pass it on to:
Second - President Obama's unofficial state of the union. I thought it was great. It really spoke to all the issues I really care about namely EDUCATION! It's so nice to hear about education as a priority since it hasn't been in such a long time. His call to action of course reminded me of JFK's and really makes me want to do CityYear whatever the cost. That's my big thing right now - what to do with my life. I just don't know.
I also went shopping for me which I shouldn't have but I did. I got a cute Taylor Swift dress and a really cute pink purse that has a LOVE label on it. Since I love pink and alway dot my i's with hearts and the "O" is a heart I thought it was appropriate.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
So my day was great. I mean perfect in fact. Which considering I have been feeling very down and stressed lately is quite a wonderful change.
I got an A- on Physics. MR. H's email! I learned that CitiYear may be an affordable option and my Mom talked with me today so it means it may even be practical. I thought my internship wasn't going to be good today and even though I wasn't able to do the work I wanted to I talked with one of the girls there and she said she'd call me if they go out this weekend. Then I went to Happy Hour with my some of my other favorite people - Princess Freckles, J and Ms. Ross!
I met J's hubby who is very nice. And they invited their friend - M. Since it was a group and I was rather nervous we didn't talk one on one too much but one thing that really stood out that I really like is that he likes Detroit, which I love! Anyway, we're going to go on a double date with J but I'm not interested in jinxing anything so I'll leave it at that.
Meeting a new guy is awesome but I really loved hanging out with the girls! My gf track record is as bad as my bf and it was soooooooo nice to hang out with PF and J .... and Ms. R ;)
It's funny because I somehow feel like high school and I got to hang out at the cool table with the popular kids. And particularly happy because it can be weird with co-workers and determining if you're work friends or friend friends and after tonight I feel like we're the latter.
So today was an unusually good day, the best I've had in ages!
It looks like I'm making up for lost time in the blogworld.
I got an email response from my favorite person in the world today - Mr. H. He was my high school teacher and retired the year I had him but I've been going to him with every crisis in my life since then and he is the best person I know.
It doesn't matter what the problem is school, boys, family, whatever I always email him and he always cheers me up. And when he's in MI he usually comes to see me at work which leaves me grinning for days.
I'm NOT in love with him but I love him more than anyone else in the world. With a mother that hates me, no dad and no other family members to rely on he has been my saving grace more times than I can count. He's the father/grandfather I wish that I had. I always feel terribly guilty bothering him - especially since he's retired but he never seems to mind.
Anyways lets hope my day continues in this direction.
Well I've been so busy with school I haven't blogged in quite some time. Thankfully Physics went well and I pulled out an A- on the exam.
And today's Happy Hour day and I'm very excited! I can't wait to hang out with Princess Freckles, J and Ms. Ross, plus I'll meet J's husband and mystery guy too!
Tuesday Congressman McCotter (R-MI) came to campus (and it was a stressful fiasco that involved me hijacking a professor's class so he could speak to it but all in all I survived) and I was pleasantly surprised.
I'm a proud Democrat. I'm a moderate ideologically but I'm a strong party faithful, so I've never voted for McCotter and never really knew much about him. Personally, he's not a very friendly guy. Every politician I have met - Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Governor Granholm, Senators Levin and Stabenow and Congressman Dingell - are incredibly friendly and interested in people. Hillary and Dingell win by a long shot because no matter the crowd they will want to ask you questions.
The second time I was volunteering a VIP event and was able to get a professional photo taken with her and I was the last person before she had to get on a plane so again there was a hurry. Nevertheless, she was very friendly and we took the picture when I was walking away she noticed I had my nametag on so she told me to come back and we'd take another picture! I LOVE Secretary Clinton!
On with McCotter.... the arrangement ended up being a townhall and he was gracious in answering questions but he never asked anyone's name or what they were studying even when we had a brief meet and greet with the Political Science Club (my org) and the College Republicans (who I work with). I don't hold that against him though, I just thought it was interesting.
Politically I mostly disagree with him but not entirely and I can pretty much respect his views. He's a Cold Warrior for sure - it was funny because he was talking about Fascist and Communist threats. I strongly disagree with his position on education because that is my important issue and he is not interested at all.
I did agree or at least strongly respect his position on the economy. He's oppose to the stimulus and I'm not but he wasn't bitter about it. He was nice to Obama and said that he'd wait to make judgements until later but he laid it into W - which surprised me. He does not believe in the free market and said business will look out for its self and become anarchy if the government doesn't regulate it which I strongly agree with. He's a good republican he doesn't believe in big government he believes in necessary government which I respect and agree with although we have a different interpretation of necessary. Again I was surprised that he said nice things about Governor Granholm who is not very popular around here.
Finally, what I agreed with/respected the most was his love for Michigan and Detroit in particular. He knows that a strong Detroit is essential for a strong Michigan. So I can't say I'd ever vote for him but I do respect him and don't mind that he's my Congressional representative.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Somehow I ended up having a psuedo date on V-Day with the person I'd want to most.
My Orthodox Muslim non-boyfriend ex called me.
The quick history is I met him in at a leadership program last year and really liked him. He asked for my number and called me few times and we would talk for hours. And then we'd hang out for hours. We even went out on a double (non) date, bookstore, Starbucks, and a party. And would just sit in my car and talk till 4 in the morning. It was perfect because he's smart, funny, sexy and I'm 100% comfortable around him.
Of course I'm not lucky enough to find the perfect guy and end up with a Orthodox Muslim who doesn't touch the opposite sex. Not great since I'm super attracted to him. And he also can't "date." A difficult concept for me to understand since we talk every day, hang out and go out. Something clicked in his head appearly that he can't "date" after a month or so and he "broke up" with me.
I was really upset and knowing the "rules" I tried to work something out. We couldn't really. We went on a great "date" downtown this summer. And he calls me occassionally and we talk for hours. I saw him for the first time in a couple months a few weeks ago and we talked everyday for about a week. I asked him out for V-Day just so I wouldn't be alone. Again I know the "rules" and made an offer he should have been able to accept. He rejected it in his polite, comical and apoligetic way.
(Note: I proposition him every few months because I happen to enjoy trying to seduce him (in a PG/13 manner since we've accomedated the "rules" a couple times) so my asking him out wasn't a pathetic V-day thing/attempt to "date" him ).
Anyway we hadn't spoke since then and I was - am always - surprised to see his name in my caller id. He wishes me a Happy Valentine's Day (the only person that day except possibly J) and we talk for 2 hours. And about everything ,as usually. I made him listen to Taylor Swift and John Mayer, he made me listen to a song from My Fair Lady and some classical music. He asked about my love life - which I swear is his favorite topic and one that I would like to avoid unless he wants to make out with me.
I was the one to end the conversation. Generally I think its a good idea to be the one to cut it off - leave him wanting more ;) and I really had to get my hair done (the club smell was killing me and it take 4hrs to do
Once I was off the phone I realized some important things.
1. He called because he felt guilty about not going out and decided to have a "safe" phone date
2. He still likes me and doesn't trust himself alone with me
3. We really did "date." As I've never dated I've never been sure of what it entails but the truth is whether he can recognize it or not, as a Catholic and American I can - we dated.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Damn. I'm hooked. I really do like Private Practice. I was hoping it was a fluke but alas it's the real thing. This is how bad (good) it was - I made no snyde remarks during Grey's and for a minute or two I even liked McDummy. shivers in disgust
Well today started off pretty well.
I made beautiful but really horribly tasting peach scones yesterday. But not detered I decided to back a florentine-eque pizza this morning and it was really good. I bought a pizza crust, sauteed red onions, tomatoes and spinach in some light oil and put it on top of Paul Newman's tomato& basil sauce and topped it with mozzerella cheese. Delicious.
And I got to work there was no electricity - big storm last night. Princess Freckles and I and our co-workers spent much of the next three hours looking out the window watching people come to the door to then turn back to the parking lot. PF also tasted the scone and can attest to how bad it was :/
Anyway I left work early and was semi-productive before going to gym, class and volunteering. I'm pretty sure I got a bad grade on my paper but am too afraid to look.
Finally, I talked with my Granny - which is almost never a good idea and today was no exception. First the sad news is I learned that my dad's wife mother who is such a nice lady and always very sweet to me and B has early onset demensia. I don't talk with my Dad ever so I don't see her very much but will have to try to get over the bridge for a visit.
Second, I got to hear about all the classes my little siblings are in and what my Dad has bought and done for and with them. I'm glad they get to have a good Dad but at the same time I'm upset that he has never done anything for me or B and owes my mom a fortune in back child support. He's provided no emotional or finanical support for us but can do things for them, I jsut don't understand how anyone can just ignore their kids and not take responsibility i guess.
Anyway tomorrow's the big single's mingle so I've post an update Sat.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
It's rather late in the day for this but HAPPY JOHN DINGELL day!
Monday, February 9, 2009
So I'm suffering major anxiety and frustration.
I decided to speak with one of my professors about my book and publishing some articles (see if the idea is pratical). He thinks its a great idea and that I should go to graduate school. So all day I've been thinking about grad school.
I'd have to wait 18 months before I could even start since I didn't apply. Didn't take the GRE. And the added and continuous problem of not having a language proficiency thus excluding me from most programs.
My whole college career was based off getting in to Teach for America. I got rejected in October. Then a miricle happened and I got an internship that would lead to a job but the program was suspended. The result is I have to plan for the future and have no where to start and am behind.
I've been applying to jobs online but the fact is I'm not sure how much I really really want to do them. I know I can do them and I know I would be good at it but I don't know if it will make me happy. I was raised to only care and think about money and these jobs would provide me with that. I could buy things - matching undercloths for example - and go on vacation - Charleston, NYC and St. Petersburg. I could take classes, socialize maybe meet someone. My work might not be fun but maybe I could have a good life.
My dream option is to work for a politician or at the White House but I'm not sure how practical the first is and the second is a dream. Neither would provide me money but excitement and satisfaction. I think sometimes that working at a non-profit or think tank would too. I like to work with people and research.
A goal in my life is to get a PhD. I promised my Aunt Sharon I would get one. But I'm so tired of school. I don't know if I could survive 4-6 more years. especially since I'll be a year behind - which means I don't even know if I could get in. I'm still not sure where I could get in because of the language issue. But I don't want to make the same mistake twice in regards to college so if I go I want it to be somewhere I like - MSU or somewhere on the East coast. New England, NY, DC or SC would be great. I may be able to have a life and be in school but I don't know if I could get in.
There is my other problem. I go to the school I do because I was afraid to go somewhere big. I thought I was too dumb, I didn't realize that I was only an idiot for not applying because I could have got scholarships to alot of schools and I would have done fine and probably have been happy too. I'm scared to go to grad school. I get all As but I don't think I'm that smart. I don't think I'm that great of a writer either. But I don't know if its the lack of self-confidence and fear that have plauged me or that I know the truth and other people or all crazy.
I don't want to make another mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life but I don't know what the mistake is.
I'm not about to have my dream life - a husband, home and family - I can't even get a date. Part of me just accepts this fact. The other part isn't sure. Is getting a career a good way to find a job and get that or is going to school and maybe meeting someone there. Or more importantly will school just be a final nail in the coffin as I'll be with mostly younger people and miss out on a chance to potentially get a life? I don't know if I want the nail yet.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Good things and bad things.
Good is that I signed up for a class at the local Rec. I've really wanted to take a class but didn't think I'd have the time and would have to wait until I graduated but I found a cheap, half hour abs and buns workout class and signed up.
Good and bad. My friend K sent me a sweet V-day card. She lives in NYC and I don't see her much so I thought I'd send her a little care package. She loves Tinkerbell so I got her a purse and then put other items in there that spelt CANDY. I'll post the sheet later. It's really cute. Anyway my Mom was mad and thought it was stupid and a waste of money and an arguement insued. And I realized - once I got to the postoffice - that I don't have her apt # so I'll have to send it tomorrow morning.
Bad there was a Political Science Club social at Buffalo Wild Wings and only two other people showed up and I had horrible food so I wasted my money.
Oh well, Housewives and B&S is on tonight and hopefully they will be good.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I wish I had the time and money to cook delicious meals like everyone else but as a broke college student it just doesn't happen. Therefore, I live a little too much on tv dinners. Here's a new one I tried today and it's delicious. I love the panini at Panera and this is similar and a quarter of the price. My only complaint is that normally with Hot Pockets you buy the box and the two sandwiches are individually packaged these are not. So you eat the whole thing which is wonderful but not as healthy. Below is my other favorite and healthier (as far as frozen foods go).
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
My first time being tagged! Thank you Princess Freckles!
Step 1: Respond and Rework.Answer the questions on your own blog. Replace one question that you don't like with a question of your own invention. Then add one more question of your own invention.
Step 2: Tag eight other un-tagged people!
1. Make a list of things you can see without getting up. A mess and Daniel Craig.
2. Favorite Football Team. I don't like football but for my Aunt I go with Michigan State Spartans
3. What are you wearing now? black cocktail dress from the former Steve & Barry's SJP Bitten line and a purple sweater from the sweetest lady ever.
4. What's the last thing you read/are currently reading? Great Gatsby was the last book I read for fun. Crime & Punishment I started and didn't get to finish because of textbook reading. And I'm waiting on a book to come so I can start pre-research for my book.
5. Who was the last person you hugged? the sweet lady who gave me this sweater.
6. What's you current obsession/addiction? Blogging, House, Daniel Craig, and having fun
7. When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up? Everything. A teacher, a journalist, an actor, a singer (I'm a horrible singer), an Olympian, a wife and a mom.
8. What was the last thing you bought? PJ's for the Single's mingle
9. What are you listening to right now? Taylor Swift Fearless
10. What is your favorite weather and why? Fall, it's not so hot will frizz and there is no snow.
11. What is your most challenging goal right now? Finding a job and a man.
12. Say something to the person who tagged you. Hey Princess Freckles thanks for everything. I'm so glad we work together because you make that place so much fun.
13. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would it be? NYC
14. Favorite vacation spot? Saint Petersburg Russia
15. If you could have a car totally paid for and the environment and gas wasn't an issue what would it be? Astin Martin
16. Name one thing you just can't resist no matter how bad it is for you? Everything
17. What was the first tape or CD that you bought for yourself? I don't even know. Nsync maybe.
18. Describe your perfect day. A day in my own house, with the perfect outfit and the perfect man just relaxing.
19. Who is the most famous person you know? An important person in Congress.
20. What would you do if you won the Lottery? Travel
The added question:
21. Who do you admire?
Since I'm new I don't have 8 people to tag but I'll tag:
Prep in the Big Apple
Park Avenue Princess
Monday, February 2, 2009
My friend Nat is coming with me as long as she can get off work and I'm so glad because she's super outgoing and will force me to meet people.
Ofcourse the big question is what to wear!
Some of my favorite shows were on tonight and on all of them I like the bad boys - albiet in VERY different ways. Regardless, the "bad" boys always appeal to me. Every "nice" boy I find boring or stupid. And of course the "bad" boy is NEVER any good. House, Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill are however so on with the shows....
"...it involves House, Foreman and 13 so it's either dumb, dangerous or tradgic..." - Taub
That was the quote of the show and I'm pleased that neither was true. Today was good. Amazingly, Dr. House wasn't bad today, he was nice actually nice!!! Cuddy on the other hand not so nice and let him have it. Not that I blame her since he is usually a complete ass. Unfortunately, because they are on at the same time I only get to see chunks of Gossip Girl. But I LOVE the parts I can see. Fashion and gossip two of my favorite things. But the best thing on GG is the Chuck Bass! I don't know what it is about him but he's just so..... Chuck. Dan Scott is the devil I mean this man has literally done every evil thing imaginable and yet somehow he's like my favorite character on the show or at least I miss him when he's not on. I discuss this with HorseGirl everytime we talk about OTH and I can't decide if its the actor or amazing writing that makes this evil-jerk-murderer redeemable. After today I'm leaning towards the actor because he was too cute with Jamie.
Surprisingly, James van Der Beek was also cute today. I love that he is on OTH. I think it's awesome. I'm not a specific fan and I rarely liked Dawson but Chad Michael Murray got his start on DC and both were the teen soap for their "generation" so it's fun.
Rounding out my tv blog entry I have to confess that I watched Baywatch last night. Growing up it was one of my favorite shows. Bri and I would pretend to be the different characters. I was excited for the 2002 tv movie. Most people think it's crazy - I don't disagree; however the show - at least season 3 - is not inappropriate or anything. Just really, really, REALLY dumb. It's totally after-school special, pathetic montages and really bad acting.
I miss the Roosevelts. Researching and writing my thesis last semester was fun.
So I've decied to start working on my book. I've always planned to write another book and this time I want to get it published. What I enjoyed most about my research was the fact that it hasn't been well researched. There are only a couple of books about the alignment of black Americans to the Democratic party during the Roosevelt era and barely any credit is given to FDR. I don't exactly have a ton of time to work on it now but I can do little things. I have ideas in my head about what I'd like to do and I'm sure there will be changes but one thing I'm pretty sure about is writing a narrative and not a scholarly book. So now my blog will also be a chronicle for my book adventure.
And hopefully in five years I can have it finished and have it published before the greatest legacy of the Roosevelt adminstration leaves office.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Today is my Aunt Sharon's birthday. She died unexpectantly in 2007 when her pnemonia went septic. She's the first person I've ever really known who died and it was so hard because I really love her alot. I think about her everyday and it helps to not miss her so much.
She was an amazing woman and gorgeous. One of the last times I saw her was at my Mom's cousin's wedding and she looked SOOO glamorous. The whole night Bri and I were talking about how she won best dressed hands down. She was beautiful on the inside too.
EVERYONE loved her. She was an elementary school principle and it's beautiful how the community memorialized her at the school - some of the parents even wanted to rename the school since she had been the building's first principle.
She was classic. She was a Martha Stewart of sorts and everything was always the best but what was REALLY the best was that she appreciated everything and everyone. We're not rich and she understood that. At holidays she'd ask for little things like hand towels, lotions, cooking utensils and she would be so HAPPY and excited when she opened them you'd think she had been given Tiffany jewlry. And it was sincere enthusium and not forced or patronizing.
She was the same way when I first took her my university. It's a commuter and not big but when I took her for a tour and when she talked about it to other people you'd think I'd shown her Yale.
She was always understanding. At my graduation party my other Aunt wanted me to open my gifts in front of the family but I didn't want to because most people had given checks and I didn't want people to know who gave how much. Aunt Sharon knew that immediately and solved that problem.
Growing up with my crazy family I always wished my Aunt Sharon was my grandmother instead of my aunt. I always wanted to talk with her more then I got a chance to. We had a lot in common. We both like school and pretty things. She introduced me to one of my favorite movies - Gone with the Wind - and we both love Clark Gable.
On my long road of trying to change one of my earliest changes was trying to spend more time with family members - secretly sometimes and not often regardless because of my Mom but when I could. I'm SOOOO glad I started before it was too late and was able to go out with her alone a couple times. I'm also glad that I called her on Easter.
We always spent holidays with the Aunts but not that Easter because she was sick with the flu. I called and didn't talk long because she wasn't feeling good but I'm so glad I called her because a couple days later she was gone.
Happy Birthday Aunt Sharon!
I love you and miss you!
Go Michigan State!
artist: Demi Lovato (Camp Rock soundtrack)
My first post on my blog.
First, I'd like to thank S. She's always working on her blog and does such a great job I wanted to give it a try too.
Second, I decided to blog because I've always known I wasn't the person I wanted to be but I never really knew what tools I needed to change that. After yesterday, thanks to R and Bri, I got a reality check and finally figured it out.
School and work have always been my life and money and transportation have always kept me from going out, hanging out and trying new things. I've also have been comfortable with my life - even if not happy.
No more! I'm stepping out of my box. Grabbing the bull by the horns and taking control of my life. I want to be like S, E, J and every other twenty something. I'm not going to let fear of my car dying keep me from going places or having the money to pay for gas or whatever. I've always chosen security over happiness. Now I'm chosing to be HAPPY .... or at least I'm going to try. Let the FUN begin!